


More Than Enough

by luvstars



Category: SHINee
Genre: M/M, workaholic jonghyun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-06-06 03:10:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6735676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luvstars/pseuds/luvstars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes it's the right time but the wrong person. Other times it's the right person but the wrong time.</p>
<p>“You leave and we’re over Jonghyun.”</p>
<p>Jonghyun eyes widen and Kibum can feel his heart racing he didn't mean to say that but part of him isn't willing to take it back. </p>
<p>"We're what?"</p>
<p>“You walk through that door and we’re through. You know just as much as I do if we don’t talk right now we don’t ever talk about it. You leave and we’re done.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> ok so this was totally inspired by [ this interview](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYTen-PL5EE) where SHINee's asked toward the end to choose between love and work and minho and key both said love while jonghyun, taemin, and onew all said work. 
> 
> sorry for any spelling mistakes.

Kibum's tired. He really is tired of it but he doesn't do much about it either. Minho says it's because he's used to it, Nicole says it's because he a moron and deserves someone who will give him the time he needs. Kibum thinks it's cause he's in love and maybe blinded by it sometimes.

 

It's really one thing for Minho to comment on it. It's also another thing for Jinki to mention is. But where he really draws the line is when someone like Taemin who is just as busy as Jonghyun, if not more, throws a question his way on where he is and something stirs in him.

"Haven't been seeing much of Jonghyun at these parties, how is he?" Taemin asks, pulling out a chair next to Kibum.

Kibum slightly moves his body towards Taemin to answer him, "Busy as always."

"He works more than me!" Taemin laughs.

"You know how is he."

"Reason you fell for him, isn't it?" He wiggles his eyebrows at him and Kibum can't help but punch his shoulder lightly.

"Oh stop," he yelps.

When they're both done laughing Taemin's face turns serious and Kibum feels something stir inside. "In all seriousness," Taemin pauses. "Are you two alright?"

Kibum plays with his hands in his lap before he looks Taemin in the eyes, "Why wouldn't we be?"

"It's probably not my right to comment about it. But you two are important to me and maybe it's not the time or place to even ask or bring it up but I worry about you two," Taemin blurts out. "I know how you are and I know how he is and well..."

"I get it," Kibum nods as Taemin's words trail off.

He really does.

All their close friends do. Jonghyun can probably be considered a workaholic with the way he is. 

It’s like an unspoken thing that everyone who knows Jonghyun is aware of. He’s busy. He’s constantly busy with his job and the things he has to do for work. He misses social get togethers almost all the time, he arrives hours late to parties, sometimes he barely has time to call his own mom. Something that’s never been asked is how he finds time to be with Kibum. Despite them moving in together a year ago, it’s like they’re farther apart than ever it feels like at times. Jonghyun’s usually already gone when he wakes up and getting home when he’s nearly falling asleep. Lately, it’s like he has no time for anyone other than his job.

With Jonghyun it’s always been first work, second work, lastly work, and after that more work. It’s something Kibum admired, something he loved about Jonghyun because he wouldn’t stop at anything to get what he wanted, through hard work and dedication. Jonghyun's passionate about what we does. He loves to be the best at what he puts his efforts into. He's the most hardworking person he knows. It would always make Kibum work just as hard or strive for more because seeing Jonghyun made him feel like he could too. But the difference in the two is that Kibum would always put his heart before his job and Jonghyun always put his job before his heart.

"But we make it work you," Kibum smiles, patting Taemin on the shoulder. "Don't worry about us too much."

"I only worry about those I care about."

 

                                                                                                                 

Kibum's heart breaks days after the conversation he had with Taemin. 

 

Kibum could deal with the canceled dates at first or the arriving late to parties they’re supposed to attend together. He didn’t let it hurt him that much when Jonghyun was busy overseas on Valentine’s Day or when he arrived late to his Kibum’s own birthday party, kissing his cheek and giving him the new bag he’s been eyeing for a really long time but he was too cheap to get it himself. He didn't care that Jonghyun would fall asleep during their movie nights or that he'd arrive late from work and he'd have to reheat their food for them. Kibum was fine with it all because he still felt important to Jonghyun. Despite being tired he'd try his best to spend the time he could with Kibum. Even though he probably had his mind filled with things, he made Kibum feel special somehow.

What he couldn't deal with is Jonghyun forgetting what is considered in a lot relationships, if not all, an important date. Their anniversary. 

Kibum planned out the whole evening, he was even ready to bring up marriage and finally getting tied down to each other for the rest of their lives. Kibum doesn’t want to say he slaved over the stove for hours but he did. He also doesn’t want to say he fussed around the house decorating it in flowers and candle lights and soft music but he did. And Jonghyun didn’t show up that night, he didn’t answer any of Kibum’s text messages and when Kibum finally found the courage to call him his heart broke at what he was told.

“Kibum,” Jonghyun said before he could even greet his boyfriend. “I’m really busy right now, babe. Whatever it is it can wait until later or tomorrow, please.”

His heart fell out of his chest and his mouth went dry because he didn’t even remember. He could put up with so much but not this. Kibum just hung up and curled into himself on their couch.

 

Now here he is staring at the wall with his cheeks drying from all the tears he's shed. He feels pathetic. Probably more than pathetic and if he ever finds a word to describe how he feels he'd say it over and over to himself. He doesn't want to feel this way is the worst part to him. Kibum doesn't like feeling weak, he hates feeling useless or small. He doesn't want to act like the heart broken boyfriend that seems to wait around for their partner but he somehow is. 

But Kibum can’t help but cry when he finally forces himself up and puts everything away. When he collects the last of the petals he gathered around their bed he can’t do anything other than feel his heart fall out of his chest because he can’t compete with Jonghyun’s work and he never will be able to. What he admired so much is what is becoming their down fall. Kibum knows Jonghyun loves him, he knows it in his heart, but he also know that’s not enough right now. Jonghyun is doing wonder at works, he’s getting all these opportunities, more than they had ever imagined but Kibum is being left behind, he can’t keep up and he can’t do anything to stop it from continuing. He can't be as strong as he thought he'd be and it kills him.

"He didn't even remember." Kibum mutters as the last one goes out.

 

 _Are we even right for one another?_   is his last thought before darkness overcomes him and he falls asleep.  

 

Kibum doesn't remember when he got into bed but he wakes up to rustling sounds and a beeping phone coming from the kitchen. He just pushes the covers off him as he goes to meet Jonghyun before he goes to work but he stops in his tracks when he sees a suitcase and bag by the door. He rubs his eyes to make sure that's indeed what he's seeing.

“Jonghyun,” Kibum says as he enters their kitchen, watching Jonghyun as moves around getting things out of the fridge. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to Japan,” Jonghyun gives him a small smile, pouring hot water from the kettle into a tumbler.

“You didn’t tell me,” Kibum’s eyebrows furrow.

“I didn’t think I would have to, I fly out a lot." Jonghyun shrugs. "I think you’d be used to it.”

Kibum feels helpless but he really needs to just talk to him, “We need to talk.”

“Can it wait until I get back from Japan?” Jonghyun looks down at his watch. “I have my time counted, I can’t waste time.”

“I didn’t know talking to your boyfriend was timed wasted," Kibum snaps.

“That’s not how I meant it,” Jonghyun tells him. “Why are you being this way this morning?”

“Do you remember what yesterday was?”

Jonghyun’s watch beeps and he looks desperately at the time, grabbing his luggage in one hand and carry out in another.

“Thursday.”

“That’s not funny," Kibum's voice becomes irritated. "Do you really not remember?”

“Stop playing games Kibum and tell me what day it was,” Jonghyun rolls his eyes.

“I shouldn’t have to.”

“Then why are you arguing with me?”’

“Because it feels like I’m the only one in this relationship anymore." He accuses. "It's like I’m the only one that cares.”

“Don’t say that,” Jonghyun says softly. “You know I love you and care about us.”

“Then why is after five years of being together you’d forget?”

“What?” Jonghyun looks up from the paper he was looking at, confusion etched all over his face.

“May 25, Jonghyun.”

Realization finally dawns on his face and he panics. “Oh shit, Kibum I’m so sorry-“ Jonghyun’s phone starts to ring before he can finish his apology and he holds up a finger indicating a second as he answers it. “Yes sir, I know sir. I’ll be there. Don’t worry. I have everything I need."

When he's done he stares up at him, "Kibum, please can we talk about this when I come back I have to go.”

“You say that all the time it doesn’t happen.”

“I promise I’ll make it up to you,” he starts walking through the door and Kibum jumps towards the handle blocking him from leaving.

“You don’t keep them, please stay for a moment and talk about this.”

“I don’t have time.”

“Make some," Kibum practically begs.

“Kibum...”

“If I mean anything to you, you’ll stay and talk about this we can’t keep running in circles like this.”

“You mean so much to me, Kibum." Jonghyun pleads. "But I really have to go.”

“Jonghyun if you walk out that door without sitting down and talking to me so help me God.”

“Stop being difficult.”

“You leave and we’re over Jonghyun."

Jonghyun eyes widen and Kibum can feel his heart racing he didn't mean to say that but part of him isn't willing to take it back.

"We're what?"

“You walk through that door and we’re through. You know just as much as I do if we don’t talk right now we don’t ever talk about it. You leave and we’re done.”

Jonghyun’s phone starts to ring again and Kibum can see the mental battle through his eyes. He can see it in the way he looks between the door handle and him but Kibum heart sinks when he looks into Jonghyun's eyes once more. He knows Jonghyun better than he knows himself sometimes. He's never been one to accept a loss but he realizes what Jonghyun chose the moment he places a kiss on his forehead.

“I love you, you know that. I’ll see you when I come back.”

Kibum can't do anything but move aside.

Kibum doesn’t stop him from going, he wants to, but it’d be useless, he’s made up his mind, he made up the choice for both of them and where they stand. He didn’t mean for it to go this way but part of him feel like it the end of their story was always going to end in heartbreak anyway.


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this part was harder to write to be honest. that's why it's out later than i had intended. i didn't know how i wanted to end it. relationships are messy and sometimes even after trying to patch things up it's hard to restart them or where to go.
> 
> anyway sorry for grammar or spelling mistakes as always. i hope you're enjoying jonghyun's comeback<3

Kibum doesn’t move for what feels like hours but are only mere minutes. He stares at the door with disbelief. His arms falling lifelessly to his sides. He didn’t expect it to go this way. He didn’t mean to blurt out those words. He wasn’t supposed to put his relationship with Jonghyun on the line like that just so the other could see how stale their relationship has gone. Even with the problems starting him in the face Jonghyun couldn’t see.

Kibum barely makes it to their room and onto their bed before he lets out a small cry. He covers his eyes with his hands and he just lets them out slowly until they build up to a full out sob. He feels lost and broken and a little desperate. He wishes Jonghyun would come back any moment now but it’s not going to happen. Maybe he didn’t do enough for Jonghyun. Maybe if he was a better Kibum, a more understanding one, he wouldn’t feel the way he does. He just watched his relationship ends before his eyes. He can’t stay here after he told Jonghyun that they were over once he walks out that door. He doesn’t want.

He’s angry suddenly his sobs stop being from sadness but anger because him verbally expressing that their relationship would come to end if Jonghyun walked out the door didn’t stop him. Kibum wanted Jonghyun to see it so bad, see that they’re going nowhere. He’s angry at himself for becoming this shell of a person. The Kibum he’s always been has broken down and all because of the one he loves the most.

He stares at the ceiling as he thinks about what to do next. Should he keep his word and leave? Should he wait to see if Jonghyun actually changes this time? As much as he wants to listen to his head he can’t over the breaking sound of his heart. He feels pathetic and a little bit shattered because all he’s known for years now is Jonghyun. He’s been with him so long it feels like he’s losing part of himself, but he can’t keep doing this. He can’t stay in a relationship where he feels like he’s the only one in it. It takes two to form a relationship.

While he wants to blame this all on Jonghyun he blames himself the most. He knew what he was getting into the moment he started to get to know Jonghyun. He let himself get hurt when it was the one thing he always promised himself he wouldn’t do for anyone. Kibum hates being vulnerable. He hates letting people have any control over him. He doesn’t open up easily. He can count on one hand the people he shares his secrets with, who know what cuts him the most. He doesn’t like showing people a different side of him and when he does he knows it’s because they’re there to stay. Despite building the wall he has for years, Jonghyun was able to break through that and he hates that this happen.

Kibum eventually tires himself out. From all the sadness, the angry, the hurt, the realization that something ended today and it’ll be a miracle if it’s ever fixed. He decides to hide himself under his covers but all too soon he’s grabbing a blanket from their closet and wrapping himself up on the couch.

“The stupid sheets smell like him,” he mutters to his apartment.

 

Kibum has always prided himself on being a man of his word. Even if this one is the one that’s breaking him on the inside the most, he keeps it. He comes home with boxes and pulls out his suitcases that night and starts packing everything up one by one. His hands shake as he begins to go through personal things. Things he hasn’t seen in years. Pictures he forgot they had taken. Stuff he didn’t remember they had bought. Kibum tries to stay strong, he refuses to cry any longer but he cracks when he finds the notebook Jonghyun had given him on their second year anniversary.

 

“I’m bad with presents,” Jonghyun had told him shyly, playing with the small present in his hand.

 

“I’ll like what you get me,” Kibum smiles.

Jonghyun takes a deep breath, “Okay.”

Kibum extends his arms with a playful smile as Jonghyun softly drops it into his hands. He carefully tears open the wrapping paper and he’s found with a book. _No_ , Kibum corrects himself. _It’s a journal_. It’s a little worn out on the edges and it looks full. Kibum’s eyebrows raise and he looks up at Jonghyun.

“It’s a notebook,” Jonghyun says nervously.  “It’s full of songs. You know I like to write songs, right? They’re about you and my time with you… It’s kind of lame. I didn’t know what else to give you and I thought maybe if I gave you this you’d see-“

Kibum nods while Jonghyun talks. He looks through it slowly, flipping through the pages. There are lyrics everywhere, his writing messy and cute, doodles filling the pages, scribbles over songs or verses that he probably decided aren’t good enough. His heart halts as he flips through the end and he can’t help but launch himself onto Jonghyun. He kisses Jonghyun like he’s never kissed him before. Full of meaning, full of love, full of something he knows Jonghyun can feel as their lips touch and their tongue collide. Their arms wrapping around each other as they erase they space that was once between them.

“Me too.”

Jonghyun eyes widen as he stares at him a little breathless, “You feel the same way?”

“Of course, I do.”

 

_My Kibummie, I dedicate these words to you. Every inch of paper that is covered through here are because of you. Over the past two years, I realized I tried to come up with so many ways to express what I feel about you. I write about your feline eyes, your soft hands, your sharp words. I describe the way the sun rises with you or how even the brightest star in the sky couldn’t compare to you. All these words belong to you. But over time, I noticed that I could say all these things over and over again but they are only fives words that can really sum up how I feel about you…._

_I’m in love with you._

 

 

Kibum lets out a few tears and he smiles sadly at the book in his hand. He doesn’t know if he should keep it. He isn’t really thinking when he decides to put in his bag. It’s painful to think about how things have changed but that doesn’t mean they weren’t once good. That doesn’t mean he can’t keep a gift that was made for him.

Kibum stops looking at personal things and leaves them there for Jonghyun. He focuses on only packing all of his clothes. Everything else Jonghyun can keep. Even if he knows some of the things he bought were from his own money, he doesn’t really want them.

 

Kibum pulls out his phone when he lines everything up at the door and calls the one person that knows will understand.

“Hello?”

“Taemin,” Kibum breathes. “I need you to come over, please.”

 

Kibum didn’t need to say anything more for Taemin to rush over.

When Kibum opens the door, Taemin brings him into a hug. Taemin’s not one for PDA unless it’s the person he’s screwing at the moment but he knows how to be comforting when he wants to and that’s something Kibum has always loved about him.

“You sounded a bit sad over the phone, what’s going on?”

“I need a place to stay for a while,” Kibum can’t meet Taemin’s eyes. “Just until I get my own place.”

‘What?” Taemin asks surprised. “What happened?”

“We’re over.”

There's a silence before Taemin wraps his arms around him once more.

“I’m so sorry, Hyung.”

“It sucks a lot right now,” Kibum bites his lips. “It really does but I know that if it didn’t happen right now it was going to happen eventually.”

“Is that what all these boxes are lined up right here?”

Kibum nods, ‘It’s mostly just my clothes.”

“Phew, I knew you had a lot of clothes but damn.”

Kibum laughs.

“Come on,” Taemin goes towards the boxes. “My car’s downstairs. You can stay with me as long as you need to.”

“Thank you.”

 

Kibum realizes that living with Taemin isn’t all that different that living with Jonghyun. Taemin is busy a lot and he travels a lot for his job. The only difference is that while Taemin has big chunks of times when he’s working like crazy he also has long breaks.

“It’s the life of a backup dancer for idols,” is all Taemin told him when he asked about how his job works and Kibum couldn’t do anything else than nod. Because really what did he know?

 

He starts to breathe easier. His heart doesn’t feel so heavy anymore and he gains confidence in himself again. He doesn’t see Jonghyun nor does he have news of him either on a personal level. He’d be lying if he says he doesn’t look at his social media almost every day to see what he’s been up to. But Jonghyun’s been awful quietly on it lately and while it scares him a little, it isn’t rare for Jonghyun to go weeks, nearly months without a single update.

Kibum doesn’t feel broken like he used to. His eyes don’t tear up or freeze when someone mentions Jonghyun anymore. He’s not going to act like his heart doesn’t sting a little because it does. He starts to smile sincerely again and bite back when Taemin teases him. He visits his mother more often and listen to her stories about her youth and his father. It doesn’t make him bitter when he sees couples walking hand in hand anymore like it used.

He feels like himself again.

 

 

Kibum’s scrolling through pages and pages of his almost finishes thesis for his grad school when he gets a scare.

 

“I’m late for that talk aren’t I?” he hears a voice behind him.

Kibum’s drink nearly falls into his lap when he sees two wide puppy eyes staring down at him. It’s a voice he would recognize anywhere and a face he hasn’t seen in three months. “Jonghyun.”

“Can I sit?”

Kibum can’t do much other than nod. Jonghyun pushes out a chair as he places his phone and wallet on the table before them. He looks handsome just like he always does, a little tired if he’s honest.

“How are you?” Jonghyun asks him.

“I’m okay,” Kibum gives him a small smile. “How about you?”

“I’ve been fine.”

They fall into silence. Neither of them really knowing what to say or what to do. It’s like there are so many words in each of their mouths ready to spill but neither has the courage to actually say anything.

 

“Listen-“

“Jonghyun-“

They say at the same time trying to break the silence.

“You go first,” Kibum encourages him.

Jonghyun nods before continuing. “I’m sorry. I really am.”

“It’s okay,” Kibum tells him.

“It’s really not,” Jonghyun shakes his head. “When I got back from Japan and you were gone… That was really hard on me. I wanted to call you and get you back home but I knew I messed up. I didn’t realize how much I messed up when I was cleaning to distract myself and I found dried up flower petals and candles thrown in the trash.”

Kibum can’t do much else but nods dumbly.

“You did that for us, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, it was for our anniversary.”

“And I didn’t show up.” 

“You were busy.”

“That’s not an excuse,” Jonghyun says. “I realized I had messed up after everything. I needed to give you space and I need to figure out what I wanted to do. It wasn’t fair to have you stringing around.”

“I understand.”

“But I’m ready to talk now. I wasn’t before,” Jonghyun says honestly.  “But I’m willing to listen.”

“I just,” Kibum pauses. “I didn’t feel like I was enough for you.”

“Kibum,” Jonghyun whispers brokenly.

“I felt like I was continually competing with your work and I couldn’t stack up. I didn’t even mean to make you choose between you job or me, it wasn’t fair now that I think of it. But I was so hurt and I felt so run down that it’s all I could say.”

“You’re more than enough, Kibum.”

“I didn’t feel that way..”

“I wasn’t a good boyfriend was I?”

Kibum shakes his head furiously, “No! You were amazing, Jonghyun. You made me feel amazing…”

“But you left.”

“It wasn’t healthy for me anymore. I didn’t leave you because I wanted to leave you. I left for myself. I was starting to break down. I was starting to doubt myself as a person and that wasn’t fair to me or you. When you walked out that door, I felt broken and unworthy. I felt like the only person that I have loved the way I loved walked out on me.”

“That wasn’t it-“ tries to cut him off.

“I know,” Kibum cuts back. “I know that because I stopped feeling that way. I started to victimize myself while we were going through this and once I got out of my head and saw things clearer, I knew that I wasn’t doing what I could for you either. I made things harder and when you love someone you’re supposed to make things easier.”

“I wasn’t there for you.”

“I wasn’t there for you either.”

“Don’t blame yourself, please.” Jonghyun, grabs his hands. “I don’t have the right to hold your hand anymore but know that this wasn’t your fault.”

“It was neither of ours. I read somewhere that sometimes relationship work in weird ways. Sometimes it’s the right time but not the right person and other times it’s the right person but not the right time.”

“Which one do you think is ours?” Jonghyun looks into his eyes.

“The second.”

“I miss you every day,” he confesses to Kibum, his voice shaky.

“I do too.”

 

The start as friends again. Since the day that Jonghyun bumped into Kibum at the coffee shop they decided that Jonghyun needs to regain Kibum’s trust on things like dates and promises. Kibum decided that he needs to work on understanding Jonghyun more when it comes to his job.

 

They start slowly with meeting up places with Jinki. All of them going to play pool and laughing at how awful Jonghyun is. They eat dinner with Minho who doesn’t shut up about his recent trip to London where he was able to catch a few football matches. Taemin gives them tickets to see an idol group that he’s being a back-up dancer too and they laugh in the stands as they see that they’re the only guys in their 20s surrounded by teenage girls.

There are a few bumps here and there. Like when Jonghyun is ten minutes late and Kibum is panicking at the place they were supposed to meet up because he feels like he isn’t going to show up. But when Jonghyun shows up breathing heavily and going on about forgetting to put gas in his car yesterday and saying sorry over and over again, Kibum can’t help but laugh a little and grab him by his arm as they walk in together.

Or the time when Jonghyun is held up at a meeting and he doesn’t know how to tell Kibum because he’s afraid he’ll get mad at him. But when he finally musters the courage his heart melts at how soft and understanding Kibum sounds.

“It’s okay,” Kibum says. “Do really well. I want to hear about it when you call me tonight, okay?”

Jonghyun nods even though he knows Kibum can’t hear it. “I will.”’

 

They work on it little by little and before they know they’re both falling into each other again. It’s small things like Kibum holding out his ladle and letting Jonghyun taste what he’s cooking for them that night. Or the way that Jonghyun will leave some of his shoes near Kibum and Taemin’s door that sometimes he’ll put them on by mistake. Sometimes Kibum leaves his clothes over at Jonghyun’s without noticing. It isn’t until he finds himself digging out a drawer full of his stuff does he notice that he has his own drawer at Jonghyun’s place. It all feels oddly domestic but he isn’t scared, he feels happy about it. It feels healthy. Like they’re moving in the path that they should.

 

“Hey Jonghyun,” Kibum calls out towards him as he cooks for them that night.

Jonghyun looks up from his laptop and his papers to respond to him, “Yeah?”

“You make me happy.”

Jonghyun mouth opens in surprise but is quickly replaced with a small smile. “You make me happy too.”

 

Without both of them saying it out loud they know what words they really mean. Soon enough they’ll be able to whisper it to each other like they used to whenever they got the chance.


End file.
